Enter ANGELO, ESCALUS, and a Justice, Provost, Officers, and other Attendants, behindANGELO
We must not make a scarecrow of the law,ESCALUS
Setting it up to fear the birds of prey,
And let it keep one shape, till custom make it
Their perch and not their terror.
Ay, but yetANGELO
Let us be keen, and rather cut a little,
Than fall, and bruise to death. Alas, this gentleman
Whom I would save, had a most noble father!
Let but your honour know,
Whom I believe to be most strait in virtue,
That, in the working of your own affections,
Had time cohered with place or place with wishing,
Or that the resolute acting of your blood
Could have attain'd the effect of your own purpose,
Whether you had not sometime in your life
Err'd in this point which now you censure him,
And pull'd the law upon you.
'Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus,ESCALUS
Another thing to fall. I not deny,
The jury, passing on the prisoner's life,
May in the sworn twelve have a thief or two
Guiltier than him they try. What's open made to justice,
That justice seizes: what know the laws
That thieves do pass on thieves? 'Tis very pregnant,
The jewel that we find, we stoop and take't
Because we see it; but what we do not see
We tread upon, and never think of it.
You may not so extenuate his offence
For I have had such faults; but rather tell me,
When I, that censure him, do so offend,
Let mine own judgment pattern out my death,
And nothing come in partial. Sir, he must die.
Be it as your wisdom will.ANGELO
Where is the provost?Provost
Here, if it like your honour.ANGELO
See that ClaudioESCALUS
Be executed by nine to-morrow morning:
Bring him his confessor, let him be prepared;
For that's the utmost of his pilgrimage.
Exit Provost
[Aside] Well, heaven forgive him! and forgive us all!ELBOW
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall:
Some run from brakes of ice, and answer none:
And some condemned for a fault alone.
Enter ELBOW, and Officers with FROTH and POMPEY
Come, bring them away: if these be good people inANGELO
a commonweal that do nothing but use their abuses in
common houses, I know no law: bring them away.
How now, sir! What's your name? and what's the matter?ELBOW
If it please your honour, I am the poor duke'sANGELO
constable, and my name is Elbow: I do lean upon
justice, sir, and do bring in here before your good
honour two notorious benefactors.
Benefactors? Well; what benefactors are they? areELBOW
they not malefactors?
If it please your honour, I know not well what theyESCALUS
are: but precise villains they are, that I am sure
of; and void of all profanation in the world that
good Christians ought to have.
This comes off well; here's a wise officer.ANGELO
Go to: what quality are they of? Elbow is yourPOMPEY
name? why dost thou not speak, Elbow?
He cannot, sir; he's out at elbow.ANGELO
What are you, sir?ELBOW
He, sir! a tapster, sir; parcel-bawd; one thatESCALUS
serves a bad woman; whose house, sir, was, as they
say, plucked down in the suburbs; and now she
professes a hot-house, which, I think, is a very ill house too.
How know you that?ELBOW
My wife, sir, whom I detest before heaven and your honour,—ESCALUS
How? thy wife?ELBOW
Ay, sir; whom, I thank heaven, is an honest woman,—ESCALUS
Dost thou detest her therefore?ELBOW
I say, sir, I will detest myself also, as well asESCALUS
she, that this house, if it be not a bawd's house,
it is pity of her life, for it is a naughty house.
How dost thou know that, constable?ELBOW
Marry, sir, by my wife; who, if she had been a womanESCALUS
cardinally given, might have been accused in
fornication, adultery, and all uncleanliness there.
By the woman's means?ELBOW
Ay, sir, by Mistress Overdone's means: but as shePOMPEY
spit in his face, so she defied him.
Sir, if it please your honour, this is not so.ELBOW
Prove it before these varlets here, thou honourableESCALUS
man; prove it.
Do you hear how he misplaces?POMPEY
Sir, she came in great with child; and longing,ESCALUS
saving your honour's reverence, for stewed prunes;
sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very
distant time stood, as it were, in a fruit-dish, a
dish of some three-pence; your honours have seen
such dishes; they are not China dishes, but very
good dishes,—
Go to, go to: no matter for the dish, sir.POMPEY
No, indeed, sir, not of a pin; you are therein inFROTH
the right: but to the point. As I say, this
Mistress Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and
being great-bellied, and longing, as I said, for
prunes; and having but two in the dish, as I said,
Master Froth here, this very man, having eaten the
rest, as I said, and, as I say, paying for them very
honestly; for, as you know, Master Froth, I could
not give you three-pence again.
No, indeed.POMPEY
Very well: you being then, if you be remembered,FROTH
cracking the stones of the foresaid prunes,—
Ay, so I did indeed.POMPEY
Why, very well; I telling you then, if you beFROTH
remembered, that such a one and such a one were past
cure of the thing you wot of, unless they kept very
good diet, as I told you,—
All this is true.POMPEY
Why, very well, then,—ESCALUS
Come, you are a tedious fool: to the purpose. WhatPOMPEY
was done to Elbow's wife, that he hath cause to
complain of? Come me to what was done to her.
Sir, your honour cannot come to that yet.ESCALUS
No, sir, nor I mean it not.POMPEY
Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honour'sFROTH
leave. And, I beseech you, look into Master Froth
here, sir; a man of four-score pound a year; whose
father died at Hallowmas: was't not at Hallowmas,
Master Froth?
All-hallond eve.POMPEY
Why, very well; I hope here be truths. He, sir,FROTH
sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, sir; 'twas in
the Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you have a delight
to sit, have you not?
I have so; because it is an open room and good for winter.POMPEY
Why, very well, then; I hope here be truths.ANGELO
This will last out a night in Russia,ESCALUS
When nights are longest there: I'll take my leave.
And leave you to the hearing of the cause;
Hoping you'll find good cause to whip them all.
I think no less. Good morrow to your lordship.POMPEY
Exit ANGELO
Now, sir, come on: what was done to Elbow's wife, once more?
Once, sir? there was nothing done to her once.ELBOW
I beseech you, sir, ask him what this man did to my wife.POMPEY
I beseech your honour, ask me.ESCALUS
Well, sir; what did this gentleman to her?POMPEY
I beseech you, sir, look in this gentleman's face.ESCALUS
Good Master Froth, look upon his honour; 'tis for a
good purpose. Doth your honour mark his face?
Ay, sir, very well.POMPEY
Nay; I beseech you, mark it well.ESCALUS
Well, I do so.POMPEY
Doth your honour see any harm in his face?ESCALUS
Why, no.POMPEY
I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worstESCALUS
thing about him. Good, then; if his face be the
worst thing about him, how could Master Froth do the
constable's wife any harm? I would know that of
your honour.
He's in the right. Constable, what say you to it?ELBOW
First, an it like you, the house is a respectedPOMPEY
house; next, this is a respected fellow; and his
mistress is a respected woman.
By this hand, sir, his wife is a more respectedELBOW
person than any of us all.
Varlet, thou liest; thou liest, wicked varlet! thePOMPEY
time has yet to come that she was ever respected
with man, woman, or child.
Sir, she was respected with him before he married with her.ESCALUS
Which is the wiser here? Justice or Iniquity? IsELBOW
this true?
O thou caitiff! O thou varlet! O thou wickedESCALUS
Hannibal! I respected with her before I was married
to her! If ever I was respected with her, or she
with me, let not your worship think me the poor
duke's officer. Prove this, thou wicked Hannibal, or
I'll have mine action of battery on thee.
If he took you a box o' the ear, you might have yourELBOW
action of slander too.
Marry, I thank your good worship for it. What is'tESCALUS
your worship's pleasure I shall do with this wicked caitiff?
Truly, officer, because he hath some offences in himELBOW
that thou wouldst discover if thou couldst, let him
continue in his courses till thou knowest what they
are.
Marry, I thank your worship for it. Thou seest, thouESCALUS
wicked varlet, now, what's come upon thee: thou art
to continue now, thou varlet; thou art to continue.
Where were you born, friend?FROTH
Here in Vienna, sir.ESCALUS
Are you of fourscore pounds a year?FROTH
Yes, an't please you, sir.ESCALUS
So. What trade are you of, sir?POMPHEY
Tapster; a poor widow's tapster.ESCALUS
Your mistress' name?POMPHEY
Mistress Overdone.ESCALUS
Hath she had any more than one husband?POMPEY
Nine, sir; Overdone by the last.ESCALUS
Nine! Come hither to me, Master Froth. MasterFROTH
Froth, I would not have you acquainted with
tapsters: they will draw you, Master Froth, and you
will hang them. Get you gone, and let me hear no
more of you.
I thank your worship. For mine own part, I neverESCALUS
come into any room in a tap-house, but I am drawn
in.
Well, no more of it, Master Froth: farewell.POMPEY
Exit FROTH
Come you hither to me, Master tapster. What's your
name, Master tapster?
Pompey.ESCALUS
What else?POMPEY
Bum, sir.ESCALUS
Troth, and your bum is the greatest thing about you;POMPEY
so that in the beastliest sense you are Pompey the
Great. Pompey, you are partly a bawd, Pompey,
howsoever you colour it in being a tapster, are you
not? come, tell me true: it shall be the better for you.
Truly, sir, I am a poor fellow that would live.ESCALUS
How would you live, Pompey? by being a bawd? WhatPOMPEY
do you think of the trade, Pompey? is it a lawful trade?
If the law would allow it, sir.ESCALUS
But the law will not allow it, Pompey; nor it shallPOMPEY
not be allowed in Vienna.
Does your worship mean to geld and splay all theESCALUS
youth of the city?
No, Pompey.POMPEY
Truly, sir, in my poor opinion, they will to't then.ESCALUS
If your worship will take order for the drabs and
the knaves, you need not to fear the bawds.
There are pretty orders beginning, I can tell you:POMPEY
it is but heading and hanging.
If you head and hang all that offend that way butESCALUS
for ten year together, you'll be glad to give out a
commission for more heads: if this law hold in
Vienna ten year, I'll rent the fairest house in it
after three-pence a bay: if you live to see this
come to pass, say Pompey told you so.
Thank you, good Pompey; and, in requital of yourPOMPEY
prophecy, hark you: I advise you, let me not find
you before me again upon any complaint whatsoever;
no, not for dwelling where you do: if I do, Pompey,
I shall beat you to your tent, and prove a shrewd
Caesar to you; in plain dealing, Pompey, I shall
have you whipt: so, for this time, Pompey, fare you well.
I thank your worship for your good counsel:ESCALUS
Aside
but I shall follow it as the flesh and fortune shall
better determine.
Whip me? No, no; let carman whip his jade:
The valiant heart is not whipt out of his trade.
Exit
Come hither to me, Master Elbow; come hither, MasterELBOW
constable. How long have you been in this place of constable?
Seven year and a half, sir.ESCALUS
I thought, by your readiness in the office, you hadELBOW
continued in it some time. You say, seven years together?
And a half, sir.ESCALUS
Alas, it hath been great pains to you. They do youELBOW
wrong to put you so oft upon 't: are there not men
in your ward sufficient to serve it?
Faith, sir, few of any wit in such matters: as theyESCALUS
are chosen, they are glad to choose me for them; I
do it for some piece of money, and go through with
all.
Look you bring me in the names of some six or seven,ELBOW
the most sufficient of your parish.
To your worship's house, sir?ESCALUS
To my house. Fare you well.Justice
Exit ELBOW
What's o'clock, think you?
Eleven, sir.ESCALUS
I pray you home to dinner with me.Justice
I humbly thank you.ESCALUS
It grieves me for the death of Claudio;Justice
But there's no remedy.
Lord Angelo is severe.ESCALUS
It is but needful:
Mercy is not itself, that oft looks so;
Pardon is still the nurse of second woe:
But yet,—poor Claudio! There is no remedy.
Come, sir.
Exeunt