The Merry Wives of Windsor

by William Shakespeare

Act I, Scene IV

A room in Doctor Caius' house.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY

What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
God's patience and the king's English.

I'll go watch.

Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

Exit RUGBY

An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

Ay, for fault of a better.

And Master Slender's your master?

Ay, forsooth.

Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
glover's paring-knife?

No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
with a warrener.

How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

Yes, indeed, does he.

Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

Re-enter RUGBY

Out, alas! here comes my master.

We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
go into this closet: he will not stay long.

Shuts SIMPLE in the closet

What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
he be not well, that he comes not home.

Singing

And down, down, adown-a, &c.

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.

Aside

I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
m'en vais a la cour—la grande affaire.

Is it this, sir?

Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
is dat knave Rugby?

What, John Rugby! John!

Here, sir!

You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!
Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!

O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!

Pulling SIMPLE out

Rugby, my rapier!

Good master, be content.

Wherefore shall I be content-a?

The young man is an honest man.

What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is
no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

Vell.

Ay, forsooth; to desire her to—

Peace, I pray you.

Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
master in the way of marriage.

This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
finger in the fire, and need not.

Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
Tarry you a little-a while.

Writes

[Aside to SIMPLE] I am glad he is so quiet: if he
had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
master,—I may call him my master, look you, for I
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
all myself,—

[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY] 'Tis a great charge to
come under one body's hand.

[Aside to SIMPLE] Are you avised o' that? you
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in
your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's
neither here nor there.

You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
at his dog.

Exit SIMPLE

Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
will myself have Anne Page.

Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY

You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
than I do with her, I thank heaven.

[Within] Who's within there? ho!

Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.

Enter FENTON

How now, good woman? how dost thou?

The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you
that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
above your eye?

Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
indeed she is given too much to allicholly and
musing: but for you—well, go to.

Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
thou seest her before me, commend me.

Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
worship more of the wart the next time we have
confidence; and of other wooers.

Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

Farewell to your worship.

Exit FENTON

Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
upon't! what have I forgot?

Exit

Next Scene

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