The Merry Wives of Windsor

by William Shakespeare

Act II, Scene III

A field near Windsor.

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY

Jack Rugby!

Sir?

Vat is de clock, Jack?

'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.

By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
him, if he came.

By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

Villany, take your rapier.

Forbear; here's company.

Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE

Bless thee, bully doctor!

Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Now, good master doctor!

Give you good morrow, sir.

Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
is not show his face.

Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
Is it not true, Master Page?

Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace.

Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

'Tis true, Master Shallow.

It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
vill cut his ears.

He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

That is, he will make thee amends.

By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
for, by gar, me vill have it.

And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

Me tank you for dat.

And, moreover, bully,—but first, master guest, and
Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
through the town to Frogmore.

Aside to them

Sir Hugh is there, is he?

He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

We will do it.

Adieu, good master doctor.

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well?

By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Let us wag, then.

Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Exeunt

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